Remembrance
by shizutte
Summary: The past between Byakuya and Hisana.
1. Sumimasen

Remembrance

chapter 1. Sumimasen

* * *

"Sumimasen."

How long has it been?  
How long, since the last time someone dared to look me in the eye?

And with such a nonchalant air?

Perhaps decades, perhaps centuries.

After all, it has been a long time, since I found myself at the pinnacle of nobility and power. The Shiba clan has long fallen from grace, and the Shihouin princess is quite a disaster, even before her disappearance. Only the Kuchiki remain.

Kuchiki Byakuya, the honor now rests on you. So she said, with those cold hands smooth like porcelain on my shoulder. Honor. The only thing you will ever need to know.

A mother's touch should not chill one to the bones.

No more hugs, no more pats on the head, no more smiles. No one dares.

And that was a long time ago, when I had to look all the way up to see people's faces, if they were not kneeling.

It is cold high up here, I have long gotten used to it.

Coldness clears the mind and cools the heart. It's good for the great leader of the Kuchiki clan. It's not good for me. But Soul Society needs only Kuchiki-dono and Kuchiki-taichou, not just Byakuya.

It is sinful to think otherwise.

"Sumimasen."

So she has spoken.

An unfamiliar face. But then, who in this whole household is not unfamiliar? The servants come and go like silent ghosts. That is the intended quality of servants, though sometimes I forget that they even exist.

"Sumimasen."

Patience is a virtue of servants, but not annoying persistence.

"You are stepping on the leaves…"

Leaves?

Someone rush out from the side corridor, snatches her broom, and smacks her on the head with it. "HISANA! How dare you"

She falls to the ground, strangely silent.

"My utmost apologies, Kuchiki-dono. This wretch is the new servant girl, forgive her impertinence…"

"Enough." How I wish they would not be so long-winded? That is not possible though.

"You humble servant is truly, truly sorry…"

Be gone, my silence said, and the offender scuttles off.

She picks herself up and resumes her position, but she remains silent and unmoving.

Those eyes, quite uncomfortably penetrating, pierce into the ground under my feet. Why should I feel a small tinge of guilt? This is ridiculous.

Right, leaves.  
I am standing on a small pile of leaves.

I see.

At any rate, I am not planning to stand here forever. Yet going off now seem like making a retreat.

It's just a servant. I am much more above it.

I walk pass her in a perfect straight line as though she never existed.  
She must feel my pure disregard for her existence.

Yet there are no words from her, not even an "Arigatou". Just the rhythmic swish of a broom gathering leaves.

It is only a long while later, that the cold wind blew away my injured vanity, newly discovered as I found myself walking briskly towards nowhere.

The swishing of broom on dead leaves is already too far to hear.

Silence is good, no Kuchiki-dono, no dishonor.

I ought to repent for that thought.


	2. Shidarezakura

Remembrance  
chapter 2. Shidarezakura

* * *

The Kuchiki house has the best sakura trees in the whole Seireitei. 

The most beautiful ones are in my courtyard, for my eyes only. Someiyoshino, shidarezakura, yamazakura, yaezakura, and senbonzakura, names that only the nobility ever needs to know, elitism hidden in language.

Sakura season approaches, sometimes they bloom in the night, leaving a snow of petals in the morning, remnants of its dance that no eyes saw.

Tonight, the shidarezakura blooms, a truly breathtaking sight, has it not been pitch dark. The night breeze is like water, subtle undercurrents sending the silken petals brushing past my face.

How gentle.

Someone is here, though, and she voiced her musings to the trees.

"The sakura dance and die, even on a moonless night"  
"I wonder, does it feel regret?"

Intruder? No.

"Hisana."

How did I remember her name?

"Kuchiki-dono…"

And she is not even flustered, to be caught in the middle of the night in my private courtyard.

"What are you doing?"

It's none of my concerns. Maybe I feel like talking.

"Hanami. The shidarezakura blooms tonight."

Maybe I am in a good mood too.

"You can't see anything."

There is nothing to see, perhaps I should go back to sleep.

"Humans too, no one watches our lives." "Yet we dance all the same, from life to death."

"Why, do we dance?"

She is not listening, no point wasting my time here.

I turn and walk off.

"It's a cold night, don't stay out too long, Byakuya-sama."

Way too informal, how dare she.

Byakuya, not Kuchiki.

I caught myself smiling, but it's dark anyway.

So what if it's dark? I should not find comfort in such. She has spoken out of her rank.

Yet those once-familiar words stirred up the warm sunshine sealed long, long time ago.

No one has thought I can feel the cold, I believed that too.

I am always in the cold with nothing less cold to compare to. I can't tell if I feel the cold.

Not till now the thought ever surfaced.

Perhaps it is cold.  
I should not feel it.

Why, do we dance, and keep to the steps, even if no one watches?

Because, Hisana, though no one watches our lives, I cannot let myself misstep.

So Hisana, call me Kuchiki-dono, and nothing, nothing else.


	3. Hanami

Remembrance  
chapter 3. Hanami

* * *

Hisana was gone the next morning. A sudden rain washed away even traces of the petals.

I saw her sweeping the courtyard the next day, and walked past, pretending not to see. Swish, swish, nothing flickers on her face.

She was there the night after the next, under the crescent moon, when the white plum bloomed and woke me with its scent.

She stood there until I got tired of the flowers and went back to sleep.

She was there every night when a tree bloomed, bearing witness to the flowers' death as though it is her duty to do so. She was like a tree herself, oblivious to everything else.

This Hisana, she can tell when flowers bloom.  
A truly useless, if interesting ability.

Never did I guess, that years later, I would wait every spring with the same Hisana under the trees, just to see the first bloom.

How very un-Kuchiki that is, to indulge in such things. Though, it is definitely more un-Kuchiki to enjoy these moments when I shed the Kuchiki name and become simply, Hisana's Byakuya-sama.

There were only five springs, four peaceful ones, and the fifth that did not count. Hisana left, with the first plum blossom.

Years later, I will wake at the scent of plum blossoms. I will remember the reason for the empty coldness on my right side, and stop myself before I call out, "Hisana, the plums have bloomed."


	4. Hisana

Remembrance  
chapter 4. Hisana

* * *

Hisana. Just Hisana.  
Without the burden of a family name. 

Yet, you carry yourself like royalty, dignity so still and perfect that everything you do becomes a deed self-righteous on its own.

You are not cold, it is just that you are not warm either.

Your smiles are warm, but mild like the spring breezes. You never cried, until your first and last tear slid down your cheeks turning lifelessly cold. Not once, amides the passions of the night, your eyes lose their clarity to kisses. I still wonder if you really existed, when that emptiness called out to your absence.

I don't even know, if you ever loved me, or were it just sympathy.

I would give you anything, if you would ever ask.

You never ask for marriage, though you never rejected it.  
You never ask me to reprimand the ones who slighted you, yet I made them apologize.  
You never ask me to love you.

You never ask, because you never truely needed me. And you know that I need you, desperately so.

.  
.

In those last moments I held your hands, you just apologized.

"Gomennasai. I was so selfish."

So you are. I had five years of your life. You have the rest of mine.

You knew, Hisana, and you just apologized.

* * *

Thanks everyone for the reviews!

To lostxwords, not really, your fic is sweet :). I can't remember where exactly, but I did remember seeing Byakuya smile though, a smile so small I almost missed it. Or it could have been my imagination. I'd like to see him smile though.  
To hafewolfdemon, - Shall work hard and update...  
To lazycat8, Thanks for your compliment! Actually I imagined Byakuya to be rather informal when he is just by himself, another reason why his own inner courtyard is absolutely out of bounds to servants and such.  
It's hard to keep up the Byakuya-tone----point one, I'm your normal brainlessly-happy girl; point two, my English is learnt, not picked up like you guys so there's going to be some inconsistencies.----and I think I'm losing it in this chapter...it's so hard to imagine what went through Byakuya's mind...

It's either fault or mine, but I can't figure out how to leave lines... I'm highly dependant on spacing so this is a real killer. Anyway, I've made use of the fullstop and hope that will stop the editor eating up my line spacings... so ignore the random dot here and there please.


	5. Rukia

Remembrance  
chapter 5. Rukia

* * *

Hisana, I found her.  
How could I not, when she looks just like you. 

I heard her voice in the practice fields that day, while on inspection. I almost dropped to my knees from the pain of remembering your voice. I never realize I miss you so much.

You are truly cruel, Hisana.

Every time I see her, I see your shadow in the air.

She is younger than you were, when you told me to step away from the pile of dead leaves.  
Her eyes look like you, she thinks a lot, like you did.  
She walks awkwardly, the feminine steps stolen by the trainings. Those steps tread on my mind, turning up old tracks you once walked with fluid grace.

You do differ, but that difference starts to grow thin, as she takes on the grace of adulthood. I let her toughen like a shinigami should, watching her forsake the demure smile you once had. Yet I long to see that smile again, alive on a face I can touch.

"Find her, and take her in. Adopt her into the Kuchiki clan, and protect her well"  
So that I will see her every day, and you will never be forgotten.

"Be her brother, as I can never be her sister"  
So that I would never love again, for the only one that is so much like you, calls me "nii-sama".

You never wished for anything, except this. You know I will do whatever you want me to.

You are so cruel, Hisana, but I miss you, and I would cling on, to even your cruelty.

One moonless night the shidarezakura bloomed. She was there under the flowing branches. Memories drowned me.

She heard my steps and said to no one in particular, "The sakura dance and die, even on a moonless night."

Hisana, were you the one, who gave her those words that I will never escaped from?

"I wonder…"

Hisana, you danced, and I watched. Now I am forever entrapped, so there will be no regret for you.

"Rukia." Hisana.

"Byakuya-nii-sama?" Kuchiki-dono…

"Sorry, I… " Hanami. The shidarezakura blooms tonight.

She stumbles, the slight clumsiness so far from your grace. I turned and walked away. It was a moonless night then, no one saw my smiles. It is a moonless night now, no one sees my tears too.

"It's a cold night, don't stay out too long." I said to the trees. "Hisana."

Hisana. Don't ever let me go.

* * *

I can't think of anything more to write about at the moment... So consider this fic closed for the time being. I'll be working on another fic with the same storyline from the perspective of Hisana, so there is possibility I will come back to this one later though. - Thanks everyone for reading.


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